This morning, Isabelle cleared her first surgical milestone: getting her breathing tube taken out. Yesterday, even though she was sedated, she was really irritated by it. Which would start a vicious cycle of crying, which led to coughing up junk into the tube, which led to getting it sucked out, which would lead to crying, etc. It was tough to watch her crying a silent cry (the tube went down her throat), and we couldn't help her.
This morning after the tube was taken out, though, was even tougher. The nurse told us that she was not allowed to drink (or even suck on an ice chip) for four hours after the tube was taken out. But pretty much immediately, she was asking for water. The poor girl hadn't had anything wet in her mouth for 36 hours! She was absolutely desperate for water and kept on asking for it every five seconds. All I could tell her was, "Mommy is sorry." After a period of time (but before the end of the four hours), she finally got sick of me not giving her water. Although I was giving her my very best caring/sympathetic face and gentle strokes on her back, she'd finally had enough and removed my hand from her back. When I tried to hold her hand, she physically pushed me away. She was mad at me and wanted me to know it. Then she tried to take matters into her own hands and tried to get out of bed to get water for herself! She's skinny and tiny for her age, but that girl seems to be pure muscle. The nurse and I had to pry her legs off the bed railings. When I'm trying to establish a healthy attachment with my newly adopted daughter, this is not something that's going to establish trust!
The nurse finally asked the doctor whether there's something that could be done, and the doctor allowed her to have a popsicle. Yet, as soon as the popsicle was devoured, she still asked for water! She was one thirsty kid.
The attachment books say that parents should have the sole responsbility of giving food (and drink) to the adopted child. It's even a task given to adoptive parents into the teenage years. So, it was doubly hard to be forced to deprive her of the water that she obviously wanted so desperately.
Anyhow, here are some of my thoughts for now. Will update more later.
Hang in there, friend! God knew from the beginning that a day would come when you would have to deprive her of water, and He has made allowances for it in his provision over your family, attachment included! Love and prayers your way.
ReplyDeleteThat is so hard, Sung! What an experience. I'm thankful Isabelle had you there to help her get through post-surgery!
ReplyDeleteSometimes anger is a nicer emotion - it's a hopeful and proactive one. You are an amazing mom, Sung!!!