Gotcha Day, 1 year later

Isabelle’s Gotcha Day was a couple of weeks ago. When I would feel discouraged, in the back of my mind I thought that it would suddenly get better once we’d had her one full year. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a magical anniversary that made me turn a corner. 

There are still days like today, when I’m so so so incredibly angry with her. Days when I seem to be the only person she doesn’t want to be with. Days that, when I tell her that it’s time to go home from a friend’s house, I can’t have compassion for her sobs. Days when her declarations of, “I don’t want to go home!” communicates to me, “I don’t want to go home with YOU!” 

There’s my pessimist side. Forcing myself to look at the things I can be thankful for, I’d say that the moments of being furious with her are further apart. There are days when I really adore her. Days when I can rejoice in her and see that she is the perfect little addition to our family. (She has an awesome little sense of humor and rolls with the McClure clan.) Days when I can envision the two of us to be great together. Days when I see light at the end of the tunnel. 

Huh. It shouldn’t surprise me, but that did wonders to my heart to remember what I can be thankful for.